JOSHUA: Chapter 5

Chapter 5
Summary:	When the kings of the Amorites, who lived west of the Jordan River, and the kings of the Canaanites, who lived by the sea, heard that God had dried up the waters of the Jordan River to allow the people of Israel to pass through, their courage melted and their spirits were flushed. At that time God instructed Joshua to make sharp knives and to circumcise the men of Israel for a second time, to which Joshua did at the "hill of the foreskins". God had instructed Joshua to circumcise the Israelites again because all of the Israelites who had been circumcised prior had died out during the forty year journey through the wilderness, and that the men who had been born out in the wilderness had yet to be circumcised. The Israelites had been made to walk for forty years out in the wilderness, until all of the men who had came from Egypt and had been old enough to serve as soldiers had died out, punished so because they didn't obey the word of God; and to whom God had sworn that they would not see the "promised land" which he had sworn to their forefathers - a land that "flowed with milk and honey". The next generation of men who had been raised to replace them were those who Joshua circumcised, for they hadn't yet been circumcised. After all of the men were circumcised they stayed in their camps until they had healed. God then spoke to Joshua saying, "Today I have rolled away the shame of Egypt from off you. Therefore the name of this place shall be called Gilgal*." The Israelites camped at Gilgal and celebrated "passover" on the fourteenth day of the month in the plains of Jericho. The following day they began to eat the crops of the land along with unleavened bread, and the day afterward no manna had appeared that morning and was never eaten again by the Israelites as they began to eat the crops of Canaan. As Joshua was in Jericho, he lifted his eyes and saw that a man stood over and against him with a drawn sword. Joshua approached him and asked, "Are you for us, or for our adversaries?" The man replied, "No, I have come as the captain of the Lord's army." Joshua "fell on his face" and worshiped. Joshua then asked "What does the Lord command?" The captain of God's army said to Joshua, "Take off your shoes, for the place that you are standing on is holy ground." Joshua did as he was commanded.
Notes:	1.) Meaning "to roll away" in Hebrew.
Thoughts:	The chapter begins by stating that the kings of the Amorites and the kings of the Canaanites lost their courage after hearing about God parting the Jordan River for the soon to be invading Israelites to cross. Interesting to me is how it the emphasis is placed up God drying up the river above the more pressing issue that an invading army was approaching their land. Next God commands Joshua to circumcise the Israelites (a "second time") as apparently the practice had been discontinued since leaving Egypt forty years prior, and that no one born out in the wilderness had yet been circumcised. In implying that the practice of circumcision had apparently been followed during the 400 years that the Israelites were enslaved in Egypt, keeping in mind that the first "passover" occurred there and God places strict rules concerning the feast that include no man - including slaves and foreigners - being permitted to eat of the passover lamb unless he is circumcised, in addition to the story in which Moses had failed to circumcise his own son and was almost killed by God for having failed to do so, it sheds an interesting light upon the character of Moses. While we can posit that perhaps Moses's failure to circumcise his own son may have been due to Moses not being raised amongst the Hebrew culture, why would a traditional practice dating back well over 400 years suddenly stop being followed? The simplest reason would be that they were told not to. While Moses has been presented as righteous enough to lead the Israelites and became the mouthpiece of God, in addition to being described as the "meekest man on the earth", my personal opinion is that it appears to be necessary to diminish his character slightly in order to justify the death sentence that God placed upon him. By having Moses appear "rebellious" against God's law of circumcision - not only with his own son, but toward an entire generation of Israelites - there appears to be a stronger justification for God's execution of Moses upon Mount Nebo, and for forbidding him from entering the "promised land" in contrast for merely not listening carefully enough to God's instructions about how to get water out of rock. After Joshua gathed the Israeli men and circumcised them, the men remained in their camps to heal. It's interesting to note that during this healing period they were probably vulnerable "sitting ducks" - just as King Hamor and his kingdom were after Simeon and Levi tricked the kingdom into circumcision, ruthlessly slaughtered the males of the city, enslaved the women and children, and plundered the city. God then tells Joshua that the mass circumcision has "rolled away the shame of Egypt", and subsequently insists that their campsite be named "Gilgal" (meaning "to roll away" in Hebrew) to reflect that. After celebrating "passover" in Gilgal, the mysterious "manna" stopped appearing and was never eaten again, as the Israelites began eating the native crops of Canaan. The chapter closes out with a figure identifying himself as the "captain of the Lord's army" with a drawn sword standing over Joshua. When Joshua asks the "captain" what is God's command, the "captain" merely tells Joshua to remove his shoes as Joshua is standing on "holy ground", to which Joshua complied.

LEVITICUS: Chapters 11 & 12

Chapter 11
Summary:	God now tells Aaron and Moses that the people of Israel may eat any animal that has cloven hooves and chews its cud, and gives them a list of animals that may not be eaten: Camels: Although it chews the cud, it does not have cloven hooves. Coney: The coney (or rock badger) chews the cud*, it does not have cloven hooves. Hares: The hare chews the cud*, but does not have cloven hooves. Swine: Although they have cloven hooves, it does not chew the cud. God declares that the people of Israel are not to eat their meat, or to even touch their dead bodies, as they are forbidden foods. As for fish, God proclaims that anything with fins and scales, whether coming from rivers or the sea, are fine to eat, but that anything else in the water is an abomination. You mustn't eat the meat or touch the carcass of any water creature without fins and scales, they are abominations. As for birds that God doesn't want eaten (as they are abominations too): the eagle the metire the osprey the falcon the vulture the kite the raven the ostrich the nighthawk the seagull the hawk the owl the cormorant the ibis the marsh hen the pelican the stork the heron the hoopoe the swan the bat* Flying insects with four legs are abominations and must not be eaten, with the exception of those that jump. Locusts of all varieties - ordinary locusts, bald locusts, crickets, and grasshopers - may be eaten. All other flying creeping things, which have four feet, are an abomination. Anyone who touches their dead bodies shall be defiled until the evening and must wash their clothes immediately. God also considers a person defiled who has touched the carcass of any animal with semi-parted hooves, or any animal that does not chew the cud. Any animal that walks on paws is forbidden as food, and will also defile anyone (until the evening) who touches their dead bodies. Again, the person must also wash their clothes immediately as they are considered unclean. Also forbidden and unclean are small animals which creep along the ground: the mole the rat the mouse the lizard the gecko the chameleon the snail Anyone touching their dead bodies will be considered defiled until the evening. Anything upon which the carcass may fall upon - any article of wood, clothing, rugs, or a sack - must be put into water to be cleansed as it will be considered unclean until the evening. If an unclean animal carcass comes into contact with a pottery bowl, anything in the bowl is defiled and the bowl itself must be smashed. If the water used to cleanse a defiled and unclean item touches any food or drink, all of it is considered defiled, unclean, and contaminated. If the carcass of an unclean animal touches any clay oven, it is defiled and must be smashed. However, if the carcass of an unclean animal falls into a spring or cistern where there is water, the water is not considered to be defiled - but anyone who pulls out the carcass is defiled. If the unclean carcass touches grain that is to be sowed in the field, it is not contaminated; but if the seeds are wet and the unclean carcass falls upon it, then the seed has been defiled. If any animal which is permitted to be eaten dies (presumably by natural cause or disease) anyone who touches the carcass will also be unclean until the evening. Anyone eating the meat of such an animal, or carrying away its carcass must wash their clothes and is considered defiled and unclean until the evening. Every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth is an abomination and must not be eaten. Animals that crawl their bellies, creep along an all four, or has many feet shall not be eaten, as they are abominations. Any person who touches such an abomination will become an abomination themselves, and will be considered defiled and unclean. God reminds the people of Israel that it was he who brought them out of the land of Egypt, and therefore they must remain "holy", as God himself is "holy"; therefore they are not to defile themselves by touching any of these animals that creep along the earth. God says that these are his distinctions between the clean and the unclean, and the beasts that may or may not be eaten.
Notes:	1.) Neither the coney (rock badger) or the hare are ruminants ("cud chewing animals"), they don't have a fore-stomach to produce cud. 2.) The bat is misclassified here as a bird, when it is instead a mammal.
Thoughts:	God begins listing off animals that are not allowed to be eaten. Bothersome is the fact that he misclassifies both the coney (or rock badger) and the hare as ruminants (those animals which have fore-stomachs and produce cud) as his reasoning for being prohibited for food. Both animals would be prohibited for food by God's other stipulations (the both for not having cloven hooves), but very strangely, the supposed creator of these animals clearly classifies these animals as ruminants when neither of them are. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary a ruminant is defined as: 1 adj. (1): chewing the cud (2): characterized by chewing again what has been swallowed b: of or relating to two suborders (Ruminantia and Tylopoda) of herbivorous even-toed hoofed mammals (as sheep, oxen, deer, and camels) that chew the cud and have a complex 3- or 4-chambered stomach. Although the "rock badger" and the hare are both herbivores, they do not have the complex stomach systems that produce cud and it seems very suspicious that the apparent creator of the universe would be somehow unaware of this, specifically labeling both animals as ruminants when they very clearly are not. It seems far more likely that primitive bronze age men who actually wrote the bible probably mistakenly assumed that both the rock badger and the hare were ruminants due to their herbivore diets. God not only continues to list the animals that he doesn't want people eating, but goes one step further labeling such animals as abominations. Anyone who touches the carcasses of any said abominations is to be considered contaminated and unclean until the evening. Why everything resets itself at the evening is unclear and a bit puzzling, but this is apparently God's law. Also, unclean people who either touch or eat the carcasses of animals that are considered abominations to God have to wash their clothes immediately. Why one must wash their clothes for eating an "unclean" animal is a bit puzzling unless perhaps they're a sloppy eater. God however does say it's perfectly okay to eat locusts, grasshoppers, and crickets if you're really hungry for them - as jumping insects are okay - but that any other insects with wings and/or four feet(?!) are abominations as well. Seafood that has fins and/or scales are okay, but everything else that lives in the water are abominations as well. God also lists a rather extensive list of birds that are also considered abominations as well; humorously amongst his list of birds is the bat, which is probably misclassified simply due to the Hebrew language classifying any winged flying animal as a "bird". If the carcass of an animal falls into your plates, bowls, dishes, or ovens, God says you'll have to destroy those items, but if it falls onto your rug, any wooden item, clothes, or even a sack you can toss the defiled item into the wash overnight to decontaminate and save the item. However, dead carcasses of animals considered to be abominations won't pollute your water supply or your grains, but might contaminate your grain seeds if they happen to be wet. Also fishing the dead carcass out of the spring will still contaminate you. God finishes off his list with all the creepy crawlies such as reptiles and multi-legged creatures, declaring them to be abominations too.
Chapter 12
Summary:	God gives Moses some more laws for the people of Israel, this time concerning childbirth. Whenever a baby boy is born, the mother shall be considered "ceremonially defiled" for seven days, and under the same "restrictions" as she would be during her monthly periods. On the eighth day, her son must be circumcised. For the following thirty three days she shall not touch anything "sacred", nor enter the tabernacle, until she is no longer "ceremonially impure". When a baby girl is born, the mother's "ceremonial impurity" will last two weeks (instead of one as in the case of a baby boy). For the next sixty six days she will not be allowed to touch anything sacred, nor enter the tabernacle, until she is no longer "ceremonially impure". After the mother's thirty three or sixty six days of "purification" she must bring a yearling lamb as a "burnt offering", and a young pigeon or turtledove as a "sin offering". She must take them to the door of the tabernacle where the priest will slaughter them before God in atonement for her "sin" of childbirth, then she will be "ceremonially clean" again. If she is too poor to afford a lamb, the mother must bring either two turtledoves or two young pigeons for her "burnt offering" and "sin offering" instead. The priest will make atonement for her with these animal sacrifices so that she may be "ceremonially pure" again.
Thoughts:	God packs a large dose of misogyny into a rather short chapter in the book of Leviticus. In this chapter God deems child birth as being sinful and unclean and lays down the law about how to punish new mothers. Mothers giving birth to a male child are considered to be "unclean" for seven days and must be "purified" for the next thirty three days. During these forty days, she's not allowed to touch anything "sacred" nor is she allowed in the tabernacle. God furthers his sexism by doubling the mother's punishment for giving birth to a female child - hence the mother is considered "unclean" for fourteen days and that she must be purified for the next sixty six days. During these eighty days, she's not allowed to touch anything "sacred" nor is she allowed in the tabernacle. After her forty or eighty day punishment, she is then to take some animals to the tabernacle for some good old animal sacrificing to atone for the sin of giving birth to a child. Preferably God wants a bird (either a young pigeon or turtledove) and a lamb, but if the offending mother is too poor to buy a lamb, then two birds will do. It's hard for me to fathom how anyone can justify the blatant misogyny and sexism laid out here in this chapter, how simply giving birth is considered sinful by any means, why giving birth to a female is more sinful than having a son, and why fathers are notably absent from punishment as they are the cause behind the mother's "sin". There just simply is no way to chalk this up to anything but rampant sexism by either God, or more aptly the human authors of the bible. There is absolutely nothing "sinful" or bad about a woman giving birth, and moreover there isn't anything "worse" about having a daughter as opposed to having a son. Being concerned about a new mother touching something considered "sacred" or entering a tabernacle before her forty or eighty days are up is asinine - period. There simply is no way to justify the sexism laid out here in the bible by any means.

EXODUS: Chapters 11 & 12

Chapter 11
Summary:	God now tells Moses that he has one final disaster in store for the land of Egypt, stating that the Pharaoh will not only let the people go after this was done, but will practically throw them out of Egypt. He continues, telling Moses to have the women of Israel prepare to ask their Egyptian neighbors for costly gold and silver jewelry. (God had apparently made the Egyptian people become favorable towards the people of Israel. Moses was revered by the Pharaoh's officials and Egyptian people alike.) Moses now announced to the Pharaoh* that God will pass through the land at midnight, killing the first born sons of everyone - from the oldest child of the Pharaoh, to the oldest child of the lowliest of slaves; even including the first born animals. He adds that God will not kill any of the Israelis nor their animals, adding that God is again making a distinction between the Egyptians and Israelis. Moses, red-faced with anger, stomps out of the palace upon finishing his proclamation.
Notes:	1.) Despite Moses' assertion that the Pharaoh would "never see him again" at the end of Chapter 10, he apparently breaks his promise. The Pharaoh also fails to execute him as he had sworn to do also.
Thoughts:	God has apparently saved his best "miracle" for last. He has Moses explain to the Pharaoh - despite the fact that Moses and the Pharaoh both said they were done talking with each other in the last chapter - that God will pass through the land at midnight killing off every first born male, from royalty to the lowliest of slaves, to even the first born male animals. Moses delivers his angry speech and storms off. Despite all this massive death and destruction to the Egyptian people, God has forced and coerced the Egyptian people to favor the Israelis and prepares the Israeli women to demand all sorts of wealth, in the form of gold and silver jewelry, from the Egyptian people. To me this seems almost is if God is condoning and conspiring theft against the citizens of Egypt. God once again wants to show distinction of his superior race of people over the "evil" Egyptians by sparing the Israelis from his "miracle" first born death curse.
Chapter 12
Summary:	God tells Moses and Aaron that from here on out, this month will be the first and most important month to the people of Israel. God tells them that annually on the tenth day of this month that each family will get a lamb (and that if a family is too small, to share a lamb with their neighbors) - which has to be one year old, male, and free of defects. On the fifteenth day of the month, God explains to them that the lambs shall be slaughtered and that their blood shall be splattered on the door frames of each and every home. Each family shall then eat roast lamb that night, along with unleavened bread and bitter herbs. God continues to command that the meat must be roasted, and not eaten raw or boiled, adding also that they may only eat it this night, and that anything left over shall be burned the next day. God further instructs that this meal is to be eaten while wearing traveling clothes, walking shoes, with walking sticks in hand, and that the meal should be eaten hurriedly. This observance, he explains will be called the Lord's Passover, symbolizing that God will "pass over" the houses of the Israelis as he slaughters the first born in Egypt. God explains that the blood smeared on the doorways will be proof to God that his people obey him, and that when he sees the blood, he will "pass over" that house and not kill their first born. God commands that this event shall be celebrated annually and is a permanent law to remind the people of Israel of this fatal night. He further explains that the celebration will last seven days, and for that period the people are to only eat bread made without yeast; and that anyone who disobeys this rule will be excommunicated from Israel. God further explains that there will be no work to be done on either the first or last day of the celebration, with the exception of food preparation. God also points out that no trace of yeast should be found in any homes during that time, and that these rules also apply to any foreigners who are living amongst them. Moses then gathers the elders and instructs them to fetch lambs for this gruesome task, and commands that no-one shall be allowed outside this night for any reason. That night at midnight, God killed all the first born sons in the land of Egypt. There was bitter crying throughout the land as there was not a house where there was not one dead. The Pharaoh summoned Moses and Aaron during the night and begged them to leave the land, and to take their flocks and herds with them. He then asked them for a blessing, as he states that the people of Egypt are as good as dead now. The Israelis took their belongings, and the women as instructed, asked the Egyptian people for their gold, silver, jewelry and clothing. The Egyptian people, of whom God made favor the Israelis, were virtually stripped of everything they had owned. That night the people of Israel left Ramses and started for Succoth; they numbered six hundred thousand men, not including their wives and children. People of all sorts went with them along with vast herds of cattle and enormous flocks. When they had stopped to eat, they baked bread from a yeastless dough. The sons of Jacob and their descendants had lived in Egypt for 430 years, and it was on the last day of that 430th year that the people had left the land. This night was selected by God to lead his people out of the land of Egypt, so the people celebrated this date annually as the day of God's deliverance. God then explained to Moses and Aaron more rules concerning the observance of Passover: No foreigners may eat the lamb but if they are living with them and want to observe the ritual, the men must be circumcised. Any slave that has been purchased may eat the lamb if they have been circumcised. A hired servant, or foreigner, may not eat the lamb. Everyone who eats the lamb, must eat it together in their respective homes, and must not carry it outside, nor shall they break any of the lamb's bones. The entire congregation of Israel shall observe this celebration at the same time. On that day, God brought the people of Israel out of Egypt, wave after wave of them crossing the Egyptian border.
Thoughts:	God spends this chapter explaining to Moses, Aaron, and the people of Israel about their first mandatory annual holiday, Passover. God - who was able to discern the Israelis from Egyptians before in his previous plagues in which he spared the people of Israel - now requires a sign from the people so that he knows which houses to skip as he travels around at night murdering the first born of each household. He tells the people that they're all to find a bunch of lambs to slaughter and to smear the blood of them all over their doors so that God knows which people to skip on his killing spree across Egypt. He establishes a bunch of customs and traditions for what the people are to do with the lambs afterward: how to cook them, not to eat any bread made with yeast, and to wear their traveling clothes while eating. Anyone who doesn't follow these bizarre customs will be excommunicated from God's chosen people, even going so far as to specify that yeast should not even be present in their homes during this now annual holiday. God then comes during the night slaying all the first born people and animals of Egypt, and spares those houses with bloody door frames. The Egyptians wake up in the night and cries of despair are heard throughout the land, as apparently not one single home in Egypt was spared of death. The Pharaoh now basically insists to Moses and Aaron to get his people out of Egypt, but asks for a blessing as they leave considering that Egypt was now pretty much as good as dead. God, who pulls his voodoo doll magic upon the Egyptian people, makes them receptive to giving the Israeli women all the gold, silver, jewelry, and clothes that they ask for which basically strips them of all of their belongings. God somehow managed to time this whole excursion to fall on exactly the last day of the 430th year since Jacob's descendants moved to Egypt 430 years prior. This establishes another holiday as the date of God's deliverance. Remarkably, God manages to get all 600,000(!) men plus their wives and children out of the land of Egypt in one night, on foot. Over a half a million people, and probably closer to over a million once we add in the wives and children, out of Egypt on foot in one night. The possibility of 600,000+ people marching out of Egypt in an orderly fashion, on foot, with flocks and herds of animals, carrying all of their possessions (along with the gold and silver they "liberated" from the Egyptians), is ludicrous to consider, much less imagine. The chapter jumps back to God further explaining the rules of how he wants his new holiday of Passover to be celebrated. Basically stating that anybody who isn't circumcised, doesn't get to eat any lamb, that the people of Israel have to celebrate and eat at the same time, and that nobody's allowed to bring any lamb chops outside. Whatever doesn't get finished that night goes uneaten and is burned the following day. It's hard to see any significance in any of these strange and bizarre customs, and to me makes about as little sense as requiring that people have to wear silly hats and stand on one foot for an hour on their birthdays.

EXODUS: Chapters 3 & 4

Chapter 3
Summary:	As Moses was tending the flocks of his father-in-law Jethro*(Reuel), the priest of Midian, suddenly the angel of God appeared to him as a flame of fire in a bush. When Moses saw that the bush was on fire and wasn't burning up, he drew closer to investigate it. God then called out his name, and Moses asked who it was calling him. God tells him not to come any closer and to remove his shoes, for he is standing on holy ground. He tells Moses that he is the God of his forefathers Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, as Moses covered his face with his hands, fearful to look at God. He continues on telling Moses that he has the seen the hardship of his people in Egypt, and has heard their pleas for freedom. He tells Moses that he has come to deliver them from Egypt into a land "flowing with milk and honey" - where the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites now live. He then tells Moses that he has chosen him lead the people out of Egypt. Moses tells God that he is not the right man for the job, to which God ignores and tells Moses that he will be with him along the way, and that he is to lead the people to worship on this mountain. Moses then asks what he should tell the people if they ask which god has sent him. God tells Moses, "I am that I am" and that was what was to be told - furthering that Moses is to tell them that the god of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob has sent him - and that is his eternal name to be used throughout generations. God instructs Moses to call together the elders of Israel and to tell them of God's appearance to him and that he has visited the people of Israel and seen their plight. He again promises to take them away from their slavery and into the "land of milk and honey" occupied by the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites. He tells Moses that the elders will accept his message, and will accompany him to appear before the Pharaoh, in order to request permission for the Hebrew people to journey into the desert for three days, to offer a sacrifice to God. God adds that he knows the Pharaoh will not allow them to go except under heavy pressure, but that God will give the Pharaoh the pressure he needs. He continues to add that he will destroy Egypt with his miracles until the Pharaoh allows the people to go. Continuing further, God tells him that the Egyptian people will bestow them with gifts as they depart - instructing that the women demand jewels, silver, gold, and the finest clothes from their Egyptian masters - telling Moses that he will clothe the people with the best of Egypt.
Notes:	1.) Reuel inexplicably is also called Jethro starting from this chapter.
Thoughts:	The first thing we learn in this chapter is that apparently Moses' father-in-law Reuel also goes by the name Jethro. It's not explained how or why, and for someone to pick up the bible and read it without clarification, this is confusing as to who is being referred to. What my best guess is, as to why we have this dual naming, that we probably have multiple authors who may have had different translations for the name of Reuel/Jethro. Moses, out tending to his father-in-law's flock sees a burning bush, that God has curiously chosen to take the form of. God calls out Moses' name, tells him not to get any closer, and instructs him to kick off his shoes as he's stepping on holy ground. Moses decides to also cover his face as he for some reason is afraid to look at God's manifestation as a burning bush. God now tells Moses that he's got a mission for him, but Moses doesn't think he's right for the job. He tells Moses that it's going to be his job to lead the Israelis out of Egypt, and plead for their release (under the guise of a three day pilgrimage to the desert) from the Pharaoh of Egypt. He tells Moses to approach the Israeli elders to accompany him to the Pharaoh. Moses asks the burning bush what should he tell the Israeli elders if they ask him which god has sent him on this mission, to which God gives him an enigmatic answer of "I am that I am". He tells Moses that the Pharaoh isn't going to let them go without a lot of heavy persuasion, but that God is more than willing to help twist his arm with his mighty miracles, and even goes on further stating that he's going to destroy Egypt with his power and magic miracles. He caps it off saying that once the Israelis do finally get to go, that as an extra kick to the groin, the Israeli women will take the jewelry, gold, silver, and fancy clothing from the Egyptians as they leave.
Chapter 4
Summary:	Moses tells God that no-one's going to believe his story, do anything that he tells them to do, or believe that God even appeared to him. God then tells Moses to throw his shepherd's rod down onto the ground. When Moses did this, it turned into a snake, which God told him to grab by the tail. When he grabbed the snake by the tail, it became a rod again. God then tells Moses to reach his hand into his robe and pull it out again, when he does so, his hand appeared ravaged with leprosy. God tells him to do the same again and Moses' hand returned to normal. God tells Moses that if they don't believe the first miracle, then they will surely believe the second, but if that too fails, he tells Moses to take some water from the Nile River and pour it upon dry land, and it will turn to blood. Moses then protests to God saying that he isn't a very good speaker, and that he should pick someone else to deliver his message. After arguing back and forth, God angrily concedes that Moses' brother is a good speaker and that he is currently on his way to look for Moses. He tells Moses that his brother can be his spokesman to the people. Moses returns home and told his father-in-law Jethro that he was to return to Egypt to visit his relatives. Before he leaves Midian, God speaks to Moses again, telling him not to fear returning to Egypt, for those who had wanted to execute him are now all dead. So Moses took his wife and sons, put them on a donkey, and returned to Egypt, holding tightly the "Rod of God". God speaks to Moses again, telling him that when he appears to the Pharaoh to plead for the release of his people, he is to tell the Pharaoh that when he refuses, God will slay his oldest son. As Moses and his family were traveling along, they stopped for the night, and God appeared to Moses threatening to kill him. Inexplicably, his wife Zipporah takes a flint knife, cuts off the foreskin of her sons penis and throws it against Moses' feet remarking, "Surely a bloody husband art thou to me." God left him alone. God then appears to Aaron, Moses' brother, and tells him to go into the wilderness to meet Moses. Aaron travels to Mount Horeb and met Moses there and they greeted each other warmly. Moses explained God's plan to Aaron, what they were to do and say, and about the miracles they had to do before the Pharaoh. Moses and Aaron returned to Egypt and summoned the elders of Israel to a meeting. Aaron told them what God had said and Moses performed the miracles for them. The elders then believed that God had sent them and they bowed their heads and worshiped.
Thoughts:	Moses tells God that nobody's going to believe all this talking to a burning bush malarkey, so God teaches Moses a couple of magic tricks including: turning a staff into a snake, the magic hand of leprosy, and if all else fails, take some water out of the Nile, pour it on dry land, and watch it turn to blood. Not quite as impressive as a Chris Angel or David Copperfield show, but apparently it'll do to convince both the ancient Egyptians and the bronze age Israelis. Moses then tries to get out of this gig by telling God that he's not even a good speaker, and that he should just find somebody else for the job. God, now getting pretty angry, decides to let Moses' brother Aaron do all the talking, so that Moses can just concentrate on his magic show. He goes home and tells "Jethro" that he's leaving town and taking his wife and kids and packs them all onto a donkey. God then reassures him that things are a-okay in Egypt as he took care of all those pesky soldiers that wanted to execute him. He also adds in a new little proviso to tell the Pharaoh, that if the Israelis aren't let free, then God will kill the Pharaoh's oldest son. Moses gets going along his trip back to Egypt and later stops to rest for the night. Here things get weird, really weird. For no discernible reason, God threatens to kill Moses dead on the spot. Now Moses' wife grabs a knife and circumcises her son with it and throws the foreskin at Moses and tells him what a bloody mess he is. Apparently this must have freaked God out or something, as he decides it's just best to leave the situation alone. Seriously, this does not make any sense whatsoever. This whole scene seems more at place in a David Lynch movie than what is purportedly to be "the word of God". I honestly had no clue as to what this passage means and had to look up an explanation on a theistic website. According to www.gotquestions.org: " God was going to kill Moses because of sin. The sin of Moses in Exodus 4:24-26 is not stated explicitly, but the surrounding events give substantial clues as to the nature of Moses’ transgression. God had instructed his messenger to warn Pharaoh to free Israel, or risk losing his firstborn son. Moses had been specially groomed by God for eighty years for this mission, and now the time for action had come. Moses was to lead his people out of Egypt and to be an example to Pharaoh’s house, to the nation of Egypt, and to all the nations that heard of those happenings. Accordingly, Moses’ personal life had to be in order before he could direct the spiritual lives of the Hebrew people. It seems that Moses had neglected to administer the sacred rite of circumcision, the act that symbolized the Almighty’s covenant with His chosen people. Perhaps this was the result of pressure from his surrogate Midianite tribe. It is also possible that he was persuaded by Zipporah not to circumcise his son, since she apparently found the practice revolting. This would explain her violent outburst; she felt that she had saved her husband from death by shedding the blood of her son. Whatever the cause, Moses’ outstanding sin made him unfit to serve as a spiritual leader, and the situation had to be rectified before he could carry out his mission effectively. Indeed, as soon as Zipporah performed the act, the Lord “let him go.” In summary, God was going to kill Moses because Moses was supposed to teach the Israelites God's Law, yet Moses was not obeying God's Law himself." Okay, now here's my problem with this answer: a lot of it is being inferred and implied. While this website's answer seems to fit neatly, the bible tells us none of this, this is all just guesswork and taking a stab at what's going on. Why doesn't God just ask Moses to get his son circumcised if that's where the whole problem lays? Now God being omniscient - as purported - wouldn't he have known that Moses had not had his son circumcised, and if this was such a big deal, couldn't he have either asked/told/commanded him to do so, or just picked somebody else? Also, why is outright killing Moses justifiable? If this book is allegedly written by an all perfect deity, wouldn't you think his message would be clear and concise and not require human intervention to "fill in the gaps" and guess that circumcision almost made Moses a ghost here? Anyways, Moses and Aaron eventually meet up at Mount Horeb, and he fills Aaron in on God's plan, the magic tricks, and the whole nine yards. They travel on back to Egypt and make a convincing show to the Israeli elders, who drop to the ground in worship.

GENESIS: Chapters 34 & 35

Chapter 34
Summary:	Leah's daughter* Dinah went out to visit some of the neighborhood girls. When Shechem, son of King Hamor the Hivite, saw Dinah he decides to rape her. He fell deeply in love with her afterward and tried to win her affection. Shechem then pleaded with his father King Hamor to help him acquire Dinah's hand in marriage*. Word soon reached Jacob*, but since his sons were out in the fields working, he did nothing until their return. Meanwhile King Hamor went to speak with Jacob, arriving just as Jacob's sons returned from the fields. Hamor told Jacob that Shechem was in love with Dinah and asked for Jacob's permission for them to marry. He continued on to invite Jacob's family to live amongst them and intermarry their sons and daughters between them. Shechem then addressed Jacob and his sons, begging them to let him marry Dinah, offering to pay whatever dowry they requested. The brothers then lied to Hamor and Shechem telling them that due to family customs - that Shechem was not circumcised - they could not allow their sister to marry Shechem, however if King Hamor would get every male in his kingdom circumcised, that they would happily intermarry and become one people. King Hamor and his son Shechem wasted no time in convincing the men of the kingdom to undergo circumcision, and soon after had the entire male population circumcised. However, three days later when the men's wounds were sore and sensitive to every move they made, Jacob's sons Simeon and Levi entered the city and slaughtered every man there, including Hamor and Shechem. They rescued Dinah from Shechem's house and later all of Jacob's sons returned to the city to plunder it in retaliation for their sister's dishonor. They confiscated everything and took the women and children as their slaves. Jacob then scolded Levi and Simeon denouncing their actions and exclaiming that they themselves were too few to fight off the Canaanites and Perizzites seeking revenge. Levi and Simeon questioned their father's scolding by claiming that Dinah was treated as a prostitute.
Notes:	1.) Interesting to note that Dinah is mentioned as lineage from Leah, instead of Jacob (Israel). 2.) Unlike Jacob and Leah's technical non-consensual sex that married them, Shechem's raping Dinah did not consummate a marriage for some reason. 3.) Still yet to be referred to as Israel since being renamed in Chapter 32.
Thoughts:	What constitutes marriage in biblical times can be difficult to follow. Jacob had non-consensual sex with Leah (he thought he was sleeping with Rachel) and was then considered married back in Chapter 29. Perhaps because Jacob's dowry was paid in full (by working for his Uncle Laban for seven years) a rape is not considered to have happened, and probably even more so that women raping men probably "didn't count" as rape either - such as Lot's daughters and their misadventures with their father in Chapter 19. However, we see that - at least according to Jacob's sons - raping a girl entitles the victim's family to slaughter an entire city, plunder the wealth, and to enslave the surviving women and children. God doles out no punishment to Simeon or Levi, nor towards Jacob (who has still yet to be called by his new name of Israel), even though Jacob seems a bit angry with his sons for endangering them to the rest of the Canaanite and Perizzite people.
Chapter 35
Summary:	God tells Jacob to move on and settle in Bethel, and to also build an altar to worship "the God that appeared to (him)" when he fled from Esau. Jacob instructed all those in his household to destroy their idols that they had brought with them, and to wash themselves and put on fresh clothes. They gave all of their idols and earrings to Jacob, who buried them beneath an oak tree near Shechem. As they started off again, the terror of God was upon all the cities they journeyed through, and they were not attacked. Finally they arrived in Luz (also called Bethel) in Canaan. Jacob erected an altar and named it "The altar to the God of Bethel". Soon after, Rebekah's old nurse Deborah died and was buried beneath the oak tree in the valley below Bethel, which has been since called "The Oak of Weeping". Upon Jacob's arrival at Bethel, God appeared to him once again and blessed him. He tells Jacob that he will no longer be called Jacob* (meaning "Grabber") but Israel (meaning "One who prevails from God"). God repeats his vows to Jacob to make him a great nation with many descendants, with many kings amongst those descendants. He continues on to tell Jacob/Israel that he will pass on the land to him that he had given to Abraham and Isaac as well. Jacob builds a stone pillar at the place where God appeared to him, pours wine over it as an offering to God, and then anoints it with olive oil. Leaving Bethel, Jacob and his household traveled on toward Ephrath (later Bethlehem), but Rachel's pains of childbirth began before they got there. After a difficult delivery she delivered a son, and with her dying breath named him "Ben-oni" (meaning "Son of my sorrow"); but his father called him "Benjamin" (meaning "Son of my right hand"). Rachel was then buried near the road to Ephrath, and Jacob set up a monument of stones upon her grave. Israel/Jacob journeyed on and camped beyond the Tower of Eder. While he was there, his son Reuben slept with Bilhah (Rachel's slave, and his father's concubine), and someone later told Israel about it. For good measure and a recap, the chapter lists the twelve sons of Israel: Sons of Leah: Reuben Simeon Levi Judah Issachar Zebulun Sons of Rachel: Joseph Bejamin Sons of Bilhah (Rachel's slave): Dan Naphtali Sons of Zilpah (Leah's slave): Gad Asher Jacob/Israel came at last to Isaac, his father, at Mamre in Kiriath-arba (later called Hebron), where Abraham had also once lived. Isaac died soon afterwards at the ripe old age of 180*, and his sons Esau and Jacob buried him.
Notes:	1.) It is unclear as to why this has to be repeated again, as it is certainly clear that Jacob recognized the Man from Chapter 32 as God, as he names the place where they wrestle "Peniel" (meaning "The Face of God"). 2.) This is not a typo. The bible lists Isaac's actual age at death as 180 years old.
Thoughts:	Another chapter that seems to be a bit disorganized and messy. There's a lot of confusing interchangeable names (Bethel and Luz are the same town, as are Jacob and Israel the same person), a list thrown towards the end of the chapter (which lists the names of the sons that we should already know had we've been reading since Chapter 29 with the birth of Leah's first four sons), God giving Jacob his new name of Israel for the second time, and the mention of Rebekah's slave Deborah's death (to whom we were never introduced) for seemingly little reason. Rachel dies during childbirth bearing Jacob's/Israel's final son Benjamin (who also got a second name from his dying mom, "Ben-oni" - but apparently Jacob/Israel didn't care enough for it, renaming him "Benjamin") while Reuben (Jacob's/Israel's oldest son) gets it on with Rachel's slave-girl Bilhah. Isaac finally kicks the bucket at a nice round age of 180 and is buried by Jacob/Israel and his brother Esau.

GENESIS: Chapters 16 & 17

Chapter 16
Summary:	Sarai and Abram were still having trouble conceiving a child*, so Sarai took her maid - an Egyptian girl named Hagar - and gave her to Abram as a second wife. Sarai explains that since God has not given her any children, Abram may sleep with Hagar and Sarai will take the resulting children as her own. Abrahm (not-surprisingly) agrees*. Abram sleeps with Hagar and when she realized she was pregnant, she became arrogant towards Sarai. 16:2 "And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the LORD hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai." Sarai complains to Abram that Hagar's arrogance is his fault* and curses Abram hoping that God will judge him for this. Abram tells Sarai that she can punish Hagar as she sees fit, so she gives Hagar a good beating, and as a result Hagar runs away. An angel of God finds her besides a desert spring along the road to Shur and demands that she return to Sarai and to act as she should. The angel tells her that the child she is carrying will be a son and that Hagar is to name him Ishmael (meaning "God hears", explaining that God hears her woes). The angel further explains that Ishmael will be rebellious and will be against everyone, just as everyone will be against him, yet he will live near the rest of his kin. Thereafter Hagar spoke directly to God and was astonished to have seen God and live to tell it. Later the well was named "The Well of the Living One Who Sees Me" (it lies between Kadesh and Bered). So Hagar gave Abram a son, and Abram named him Ishmael. Abram was 86 years old at the time.
Notes:	1.) Moreover, a male child - as girls are not considered true heirs. 2.) The bible notes that this takes place 10 years after Abram first arrived in Canaan. 3.) Despite the fact that this was Sarai's idea in the first place.
Thoughts:	It's difficult not to look at this chapter as disturbing for a number of reasons: we have Abram having sex with his wife's maid (probably a slave), we have Abram's wife beating the tar out of a pregnant woman - carrying her husband's child, and we have an angel condemning Hagar for running off even though she just got beaten by her mistress (regardless of whether her arrogance justified punishment, it's hard to justify beating a pregnant woman). It's also a bit unclear as to why God tells Hagar directly to name the child Ishmael, yet it states that Abram give the child that name. Do we assume God told Abram also to name the child Ishmael, or did Abram take Hagar's word that she spoke to God and that's the name God chose?
Chapter 17
Summary:	When Abram was 99 years old, God appeared to him and told him to obey him and live as he should, and also that he had prepared a contract between them guaranteeing to make Abram's descendants into a mighty nation - and not just one nation, but a multitude of nations. Abram fell face downward to the ground as God talked with him. He continues on to tell Abram that he is also changing his name from Abram (meaning 'Exalted Father') to Abraham (meaning 'Father of Nations'). He continues to tell Abram/Abraham that he will continue this agreement forever amongst Abram's/Abraham's descendants. 17:11 "And ye shall circumcise the flesh of your foreskin; and it shall be a token of the covenant betwixt me and you." Abram's/Abraham's part of the contract is to obey God's will, and have every male amongst him circumcised on the eighth day after being born, and that this will be proof that Abram/Abraham and his people accept the covenant. God clarifies that this also applies to every foreign born slave as well as anyone born in Abram's/Abraham's household, and that anyone who refuses will be cut off from his people. God also renames Sarai to Sarah (meaning 'Princess') and proclaims that he will bless her to provide Abram/Abraham with many children*. Abraham throws himself down in worship, but was having doubts in his thoughts thinking about how ludicrous it sounded for him to become a father at age 100* and for Sarai/Sarah to give birth at 90, so he instead says to God, "Yes, do bless Ishmael!" God corrects Abraham and clarifies that Sarah will provide him with a son, and that son is to be named Isaac (meaning 'Laughter'), but decides that he will bless Ishmael also - adding that Ishmael will become a great nation and that 12 princes will be among his posterity - before stressing that God's contract is with Isaac and not Ishmael. Abraham then went home and proceeded to circumcise every male in his household - including himself and every male slave.
Notes:	1.) Which didn't seem so ridiculous when his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather Shem had a child at the age of 100(?) 2.) Although chapter 11 states that Sarai was barren and therefore did not provide Abram any children, we can still consider that chapter correct when taking into account that God changed both Sarai and Abram's names at this point to Sarah and Abraham respectively. In that sense, Sarai and Abram didn't have any children, whereas Sarah and Abraham did.
Thoughts:	It's unclear what circumcision has to do with upholding a contract with God, and why he wants men to be circumcised in the first place. It's pretty nonsensical and seems very awkward that God is concerned with the way his people's penises look. What is to stop other tribes from circumcising their male population as well? Wouldn't the covenant be meaningless at that point? Would God strike men dead outside of Abraham's tribe for circumcising themselves? Also strange is Abraham's amusement at becoming a father at the age of 100, when the average age of the people of his time is still mentioned to be roughly around 200(!) if which taken into context with the average modern human living to be about 85, doesn't seem so strange for a man of 43 to have a child.