DEUTERONOMY: Chapter 34

Chapter 34
Summary:	Moses went up from the plains of Moab and ascended Mount Nebo, at the top of Pisgah across Jericho. God then showed Moses all the land of Gilead given to Dan; the land given to Naphtali; the land of Ephraim and Manasseh; all of the land given to Judah to the utmost of the sea; the southern plain of the valley of Jericho; and the city of palm trees out to Zoar. God said to him, "This is the land which I promised to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, and which I told them I would alsi give to their descendants. I have allowed you to see it with your own eyes, but you shall not go over there." Moses, the servant of God, died there in the land of Moab, according to the God's word. He buried him in a valley in the land of Moab, across from Bethpeor, but to this day no one knows where his grave is. Moses was one hundred and twenty years old* when he died, but neither his eyesight nor his strength had diminished. The people of Israel wept for Moses in the plains of Moab for thirty days. Joshua the son of Nun was full of the spirit of wisdom; as Moses had laid his hands upon him, and the people of Israel hearkened to him, and did as God had commanded Moses. There has never been a prophet in Israel since then like Moses, whom God knew face to face, with all the signs and wonders which God sent him to do in the land of Egypt to the Pharaoh, and all of his servants, and to all of his land, and in all of his mighty hand, and the great terror which Moses had shown before the eyes of all of Israel.
Notes:	1.) This is not a typo. The bible lists Moses' actual age as 120 years old. Although technically not impossible, it is highly unlikely that without the aid of modern medicine (or "miracles") that Moses could have achieved such an advanced age, especially given how mentally and physically active he is claimed to have been at such an age in this chapter as well.
Thoughts:	This final chapter in the book of Deuteronomy basically tells the story of Moses' death at the ripe old age of 120 years old - in which it is noted that neither his strength or his eyesight had diminished over the years, which should probably be considered a good thing when his last duty that he was expected to do at 120 years of age before dying was to climb a mountain. After climbing the mountain God shows Moses the land he is giving to the the tribes of Dan, Naphtali, Joseph (Ephraim and Manasseh), and Judah, which he could see from the top of the mountain. He tells Moses that this is the "promised land", and that he is not allowed to enter it, before Moses dies atop the mountain. God himself apparently buries Moses in a valley in Moab, but it's noted that no one knows where he is buried. Considering that the Pentateuch (the Jewish Torah, or the first five books of the Old Testament) is supposedly attributed to Moses, it raises the question who supposedly has written this chapter describing Moses' death and mysterious burial, and if this took place only between God and Moses, how was this information known to the author? The Israelites mourned Moses' death for 30 days, and Joshua took over their leadership as appointed by Moses. The chapter, the book of Deuteronomy, and the Pentateuch closes out by stating that there has never been a prophet like Moses, who knew God face to face, nor performed the sort of "miracles" like the ones Moses performed in Egypt - which Moses apparently terrified the Israelites with.

DEUTERONOMY: Chapter 31

Chapter 31
Summary:	Moses spoke the following words to all the people of Israel: "I am one hundred and twenty years old today and I can no longer perform my duties to lead you, and also the Lord has said to me that I shall not cross over the Jordan River. The Lord your God will lead you over and he will destroy the nations before you, and you shall possess them; Joshua shall lead you as the Lord has said. "The Lord shall do to these nations and unto their land as he had done to Sihon and Og, the kings of the Amorites, whom he destroyed. The Lord shall bring them to you face to face, that you may do to them according to what I have commanded you. Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid of them for the Lord your God will be with you, and he will not fail or forsake you." Moses then called to Joshua and spoke to him in the presence of all of Israel: "Be strong and courageous, for you must lead these people into the land which the Lord has sworn to their forefathers, and you shall ensure that they inherit it. The Lord will lead you and will be with you. He will not fail you, nor forsake you, so do not be afraid nor dismayed." Moses then wrote this law and delivered it to the priests, the sons of Levi, who carried the ark of the covenant, and also to the elders of Israel. Moses commanded them saying: "At the end of every seven years, in the year of release, in the feast of tabernacles, when all of Israel is to come and appear before the Lord your God in the place which he shall choose, you are to read these laws to the entire population of Israel. Gather the people together, men, women, children, and the stranger in town, that they may hear, that they may learn, and that they may fear the Lord your God; for as long as you live in the land you are about to possess across the Jordan River." God said to Moses: "Behold, the day of your death is approaching. Call Joshua and present yourselves in the tabernacle, so that i may give him his orders" Moses and Joshua went and entered the tabernacle of the congregation, and God appeared as a pillar of cloud standing above the tabernacle door. God said to Moses: "Soon, you shall rest alongside your forefathers; and the people will then rise up and go a whoring after the gods belonging to the strangers of the land. They will go to be among them and will forsake me, breaking my covenant with them. Then my anger will be kindled against them, and I will forsake them and hide my face from them. They shall be devoured and many evils and troubles shall befall them, so that they will say, 'Aren't these evils that came upon us because our God is not among us?' And I will surely hide my face in that day for all the evils which they have wrought, because they turned to other gods. "Now therefore write down the words to this song, and teach it to the people of Israel. Make them remember these words, so that this song may serve as a warning to the people of Israel. For when I will have brought them into the land that I swore to their forefathers - that flows with milk and honey - after they have eaten and filled themselves until they become fat, then they will turn to other gods and serve them, provoking me and breaking my covenant. When many evils and troubles befall them, this song shall testify against them as a witness, for it shall not be forgotten throughout their generations. I know their imagination which they go about, even now before I have even brought them into the land which I promised." Moses therefore wrote down the words to the song and taught it to the people of Israel. He then gave Joshua (the son of Nun) an order, telling him: "Be strong and courageous, for you shall bring the people of Israel into the land which I swore to them; and I will be with you." Moses finished writing the words of the law into a book, and commanded the Levites who carried the ark of the covenant, saying: "Take this book of the law and put it beside the ark of the covenant of the Lord your God, that it may be there as a warning to you. For I know how rebellious and stubborn you all are - look at how rebellious against the Lord you have been while I've been alive; how much worse will you be after my death? "Summon all of the elders of your tribes, as well your officers, so that I may speak to them, and call heaven and earth to witness against them. For I know that after my death you will utterly corrupt yourselves and turn away from what i have commanded you; evil will befall you in the days to come because you will do evil in the sight of the Lord, provoking his anger by your works." Moses then recited to the entire congregation of Israel the words to the song he had recorded.
Notes:	1.) This is not a typo. The bible lists Moses' actual age as 120 years old. Although technically not impossible, it is highly unlikely that without the aid of modern medicine (or "miracles") that Moses could have achieved such an advanced age, especially given how mentally and physically active he is claimed to have been at such an age. 2.) It's unclear whether Moses is truly referring to himself in the first person, whether this is actually God speaking, whether this might be another example of the documentary hypothesis, or whether this may be a mistranslation of Moses quoting God.
Thoughts:	Moses addresses the Israelites (somehow all 600,000+ of them) and reminds them that he is now 120 years old(!) and also that he has been forbidden to enter the "promised land", so soon Joshua will succeed him as their leader. He adds that God will lead them over the Jordan River and will destroy the "heathen nations" that they encounter along the way, much the same way that he did to King Sihon and King Og - which means that not a single survivor will be left alive. Moses tells the Israelites to be strong and courageous, and not to be afraid of their enemies, because God will be with them in battle and will not forsake them - something Moses will repeat a few more times throughout this chapter. Moses summons Joshua and addresses him in the presence of the mass of people, telling him basically the same thing, and that it will be his job to lead the people of Israel. Moses writes down all the laws that he has given to the Israelites and gives the writings to the Levite priests, telling them that every seven years during the feast of tabernacles that the priests are to read these laws to the entire population of Israel, including to strangers that are in town. Moses states that this is to be followed for as long as they live within the "promised land". God then speaks to Moses and tells him that the day of his death is looming (which seems like a terrible thing to tell someone, even if they are 120 years old) and that he and Joshua need to meet with him at the tabernacle, so that God may deliver orders to Joshua. God meets them at the door of the tabernacle taking the form of a cloud, yet continues to talk to Moses. God again tells Moses that soon he will die, and that afterward the Israelites will go "a whoring" after other gods, which of course will make God angry and "provoke him" to do all sorts of nasty things - like all of the things God threatens them with in Deuteronomy: Chapter 28. God says that the people will realize that all of these "evils" that came upon them are due to that God is no longer among them. Therefore God has Moses write down some song lyrics that he says will serve as a warning to the Israelites, and tells Moses to teach them this song. God states that once the Israelites arrive in the "promised land" they will become greedy with prosperity and begin turning to other gods - which of course will "provoke" God to do all sorts of nasty things to them. He states that this song however will not be forgotten throughout their generations. God concludes that he knows that the Israelites will fail him, which brings up a crucial point - God often posits that capital punishment will serve as a deterent from others committing the same crime - for example, Deuteronomy 17:12-13 states 17:12 "...even that man shall die: and thou shalt put away the evil from Israel." 17:13 "And all the people shall hear, and fear, and do no more presumptuously." Yet obviously, death on massive scale do not dissuade the Israelites from worshiping other gods as seen from the 3,000 deaths (and an unspecified amount as the result of a plague) for worshiping Aaron's golden calf (for which Aaron went unpunished for creating an "idol"), and the 24,000+ deaths as a result of the Baalpeor incident (where God even ordered the corpses of the leaders of the tribes of Israel to be hung up on display) for "committing whoredom with the daughters of Moab". Therefore if capital punishment for worshiping other gods isn't an effective deterrent, and God knows that the Israelites will worship other gods after Moses dies, then we can't accept the lyrics to God's song as a "warning". For it to be a "warning" he couldn't have absolute certainty that the Israelites will worship other gods, and for capital punishment to be a deterrent it would have to at least cause a decrease in the amount of offenses - and considering that the number of deaths multiplied over eight times for both recorded incidents (3,000+ for the golden calf incident, to 24,000+ for the Baalpeor incident) that obviously isn't the case. This would lead to reason that either the Israelites were rock stupid which would make God killing them even more barbaric, or that the Israelites simply weren't afraid of the punishments for worshiping other gods possibly because the numbers in the bible are highly inflated, or that some or all of these events simply didn't happen at all. Any way you look at it it remains troubling that God does not seem very concerned about doing much to prevent the Israelites from committing an act that will result in God brutally decimating them. Moses writes down the song lyrics and again Joshua is told to "be strong and courageous" because God will be with him. Moses then gives the book of laws to the Levites who had the task of carrying the "ark of the covenant" telling them to put it beside the ark. He then chides them for being rebellious, and insinuates that because of how "rebellious" they have been while Moses has been alive, that they will become worse once he dies. I can't help but suspect that possibly Moses could be encouraging a self-fulfilling prophecy by telling them exactly what he thinks they will do, while berating and belittling them. The chapter ends with Moses beginning to recite the lyrics to the new hit song God wrote for them.

GENESIS: Chapters 47 & 48

Chapter 47
Summary:	Upon the arrival of his family, Joseph went to see the Pharaoh to inform him that his family had arrived with their flocks and herds, and wished to settle in the land of Goshen. He took five of his brothers and presented them to the Pharaoh. The Pharaoh asked the brothers as to what their occupations were, to which the brothers replied that they were shepherds. They further explained that due to the famine, there were no pastures left in Canaan, and they requested of the Pharaoh to allow them to live in Goshen. The pharaoh agreed, and added that if any of Joseph's brothers were capable, to put them in charge of the Pharaoh's flocks as well. Joseph then brought his father Jacob before the Pharaoh, and then Jacob blessed the Pharaoh. Asking how old he was, Jacob replied to the Pharaoh that he was 130, but not nearly as old as some of his ancestors. Then Jacob blessed the Pharaoh again before he left. Joseph then assigned the best land of Egypt - the land of Rameses - to his father and brothers, as the Pharaoh had commanded. Joseph furnished food to them according to the number of dependants. The famine grew worse and all the people of Egypt and Canaan began to starve. Joseph collected all the money in Egypt and Canaan in exchange for grain and brought the money to the Pharaoh's treasure houses. When the people ran out of money, they came again to Joseph begging for food. Joseph told the people that he would take their livestock in trade for food. Soon all the horses, flocks, herds, and donkeys belonged to the Pharaoh. The next year the people returned once again begging for food, having nothing to offer but their land and themselves. So Joseph bought all the land of Egypt for the Pharaoh and all the people became serfs. The only land that wasn't purchased was that of the priests, for they were assigned food from the Pharaoh and therefore didn't need to sell. Joseph gave grain to the people and told them to sow the land. He explained that when they harvest the land, one fifth of the crops will belong to the Pharaoh. Joseph made it a law that the Pharaoh's tax would be 20% of all crops, except those grown on the land owned by the temples. Israel/Jacob lived in the land of Goshen and soon the people of Israel began to prosper, and there became a population explosion among them. Jacob/Israel would live for another 17 years after his arrival in Egypt, making him 147 at the time of his death. As his death grew closer, he made Joseph swear to him that he would not be buried in Egypt, but that he would instead be taken back to be buried with his ancestors.
Thoughts:	Joseph takes his brothers and his father up to see the Pharaoh and to plead their case to be allowed to live and work in Egypt. The Pharaoh pretty much feels that any family of Joseph is a-okay in his books and lets them settle in Goshen. When Joseph brings his dad to see the Pharaoh, he blesses him, and tells him about his relatively old age - which he notes is peanuts compared to some of his 900 year old ancestors - and blesses the Pharaoh once again before he leaves. Of note once again, Jacob/Israel is mostly referred to as Jacob in this chapter with the exception of two mentions in the final paragraphs. As the famine worsens, the people of Egypt begin to trade first their livestock, and then their land and freedom in exchange for food, effectively becoming serfs and the Pharaoh owning all of the livestock and land throughout Egypt - except for the priests, as religion always seems to get a free pass from having to pay their own way. It's noted that the priests are getting free food from the Pharaoh, and are exempt from paying taxes on their land as well. Some things never change, I guess... Anyways, Jacob/Israel has a last request to make to his son Joseph, that upon his death he makes Joseph promise to bury him in the cave near Ephron's field at Mach-pelah - the one that Abraham bought all those years ago. The thing that strikes me as odd about this request is that he really didn't seem to mind burying his beloved wife Rachel by the side of the road she died giving birth to Benjamin on.
Chapter 48
Summary:	Word came to Joseph that his father's health was failing, so he took his two sons, Manasseh and Ephraim with him to visit him. When Jacob/Israel heard that Joseph had arrived he mustered his strength to sit up in bed and greet him. He tells Joseph that God had blessed him at Luz in Canaan, giving the land to him and his descendants. He continues on telling Joseph that he is adopting his sons Ephraim and Manasseh as his own, meaning that they will inherit from Jacob/Israel just the same as Reuben and Simeon will. He adds that any other children Joseph has will be his own, and will have to inherit Ephraim's and Manasseh's portions from Joseph. Israel/Jacob then looks over at the two boys asking Joseph if they are indeed his sons. After Joseph confirms that they are his sons, Israel/Jacob tells Joseph to bring them closer so that he can bless them. Joseph takes the boys by their hands and bows low before his father, leading the boys to their grandfather's knees - Ephraim at Israel's left hand; Manasseh at Israel's right. Israel however, crosses his hands as he lay them across the boys heads, placing his right hand on the head of Ephraim, the younger boy, and his left upon Manasseh. He begins blessing Joseph, but has upset him when he sees that Israel's right hand was placed upon Ephraim's head. He tells his father that he's got the wrong hands upon the wrong child and tries to lift Israel's right hand off of Ephraim, but Israel refused, stating that he knew what he was doing. He explained that although Manasseh would become a great nation, his younger brother Ephraim would become even greater. He then blesses the boys and tells Joseph that he's about to die. He continues to tell him that God will be with Joseph, and that Joseph will inherit the land of Shekem - that Israel himself had taken from the Amorites with his sword and with his bow.
Thoughts:	Even in his last few chapters, the Jacob/Israel swap continues as he lay on his death bed. The news of Israel's fading health reaches his son Joseph, who takes his two sons down to see their grandfather. Israel then adopts the boys as full fledged sons, explaining that they will inherit the same amount as Reuben and Simeon, and offers to bless them. However, grandpa put his right hand on the younger boy Ephraim, instead of the older boy Manasseh to Joseph's displeasure. The significance of this is fueled by the superstition that the right hand is more pure and virtuous than the evil left hand. In the ancient Hebrew beliefs, the hand symbolized power and custody, where the left hand was used to shame society and was a metaphor for natural evil, and to invoke punishment from the gods. In many languages the term "right" (including English) is synonymous with justice and being correct and due to the overwhelming prevalence of right handed people, was considered the "proper hand". Even more interesting is that the latin root for "left" is "sinister". Therefore, fueled by the superstition of the day, Joseph is horrified to see that the "right handed" blessing was being bestowed upon Ephraim, his younger son, while Manasseh, the older child gets the "left handed" inferior blessing. Today, we can see that this is all just nonsense and superstition, but even as recently as within the past 50 years, left handed Catholic school children were forcefully made to write and eat with their right hands based on their superstitious beliefs. Even today, in some religious cultures (such as in the Arab world) it is customary to shake hands with the right, and considered rude and insulting to offer out your left hand.

GENESIS: Chapters 34 & 35

Chapter 34
Summary:	Leah's daughter* Dinah went out to visit some of the neighborhood girls. When Shechem, son of King Hamor the Hivite, saw Dinah he decides to rape her. He fell deeply in love with her afterward and tried to win her affection. Shechem then pleaded with his father King Hamor to help him acquire Dinah's hand in marriage*. Word soon reached Jacob*, but since his sons were out in the fields working, he did nothing until their return. Meanwhile King Hamor went to speak with Jacob, arriving just as Jacob's sons returned from the fields. Hamor told Jacob that Shechem was in love with Dinah and asked for Jacob's permission for them to marry. He continued on to invite Jacob's family to live amongst them and intermarry their sons and daughters between them. Shechem then addressed Jacob and his sons, begging them to let him marry Dinah, offering to pay whatever dowry they requested. The brothers then lied to Hamor and Shechem telling them that due to family customs - that Shechem was not circumcised - they could not allow their sister to marry Shechem, however if King Hamor would get every male in his kingdom circumcised, that they would happily intermarry and become one people. King Hamor and his son Shechem wasted no time in convincing the men of the kingdom to undergo circumcision, and soon after had the entire male population circumcised. However, three days later when the men's wounds were sore and sensitive to every move they made, Jacob's sons Simeon and Levi entered the city and slaughtered every man there, including Hamor and Shechem. They rescued Dinah from Shechem's house and later all of Jacob's sons returned to the city to plunder it in retaliation for their sister's dishonor. They confiscated everything and took the women and children as their slaves. Jacob then scolded Levi and Simeon denouncing their actions and exclaiming that they themselves were too few to fight off the Canaanites and Perizzites seeking revenge. Levi and Simeon questioned their father's scolding by claiming that Dinah was treated as a prostitute.
Notes:	1.) Interesting to note that Dinah is mentioned as lineage from Leah, instead of Jacob (Israel). 2.) Unlike Jacob and Leah's technical non-consensual sex that married them, Shechem's raping Dinah did not consummate a marriage for some reason. 3.) Still yet to be referred to as Israel since being renamed in Chapter 32.
Thoughts:	What constitutes marriage in biblical times can be difficult to follow. Jacob had non-consensual sex with Leah (he thought he was sleeping with Rachel) and was then considered married back in Chapter 29. Perhaps because Jacob's dowry was paid in full (by working for his Uncle Laban for seven years) a rape is not considered to have happened, and probably even more so that women raping men probably "didn't count" as rape either - such as Lot's daughters and their misadventures with their father in Chapter 19. However, we see that - at least according to Jacob's sons - raping a girl entitles the victim's family to slaughter an entire city, plunder the wealth, and to enslave the surviving women and children. God doles out no punishment to Simeon or Levi, nor towards Jacob (who has still yet to be called by his new name of Israel), even though Jacob seems a bit angry with his sons for endangering them to the rest of the Canaanite and Perizzite people.
Chapter 35
Summary:	God tells Jacob to move on and settle in Bethel, and to also build an altar to worship "the God that appeared to (him)" when he fled from Esau. Jacob instructed all those in his household to destroy their idols that they had brought with them, and to wash themselves and put on fresh clothes. They gave all of their idols and earrings to Jacob, who buried them beneath an oak tree near Shechem. As they started off again, the terror of God was upon all the cities they journeyed through, and they were not attacked. Finally they arrived in Luz (also called Bethel) in Canaan. Jacob erected an altar and named it "The altar to the God of Bethel". Soon after, Rebekah's old nurse Deborah died and was buried beneath the oak tree in the valley below Bethel, which has been since called "The Oak of Weeping". Upon Jacob's arrival at Bethel, God appeared to him once again and blessed him. He tells Jacob that he will no longer be called Jacob* (meaning "Grabber") but Israel (meaning "One who prevails from God"). God repeats his vows to Jacob to make him a great nation with many descendants, with many kings amongst those descendants. He continues on to tell Jacob/Israel that he will pass on the land to him that he had given to Abraham and Isaac as well. Jacob builds a stone pillar at the place where God appeared to him, pours wine over it as an offering to God, and then anoints it with olive oil. Leaving Bethel, Jacob and his household traveled on toward Ephrath (later Bethlehem), but Rachel's pains of childbirth began before they got there. After a difficult delivery she delivered a son, and with her dying breath named him "Ben-oni" (meaning "Son of my sorrow"); but his father called him "Benjamin" (meaning "Son of my right hand"). Rachel was then buried near the road to Ephrath, and Jacob set up a monument of stones upon her grave. Israel/Jacob journeyed on and camped beyond the Tower of Eder. While he was there, his son Reuben slept with Bilhah (Rachel's slave, and his father's concubine), and someone later told Israel about it. For good measure and a recap, the chapter lists the twelve sons of Israel: Sons of Leah: Reuben Simeon Levi Judah Issachar Zebulun Sons of Rachel: Joseph Bejamin Sons of Bilhah (Rachel's slave): Dan Naphtali Sons of Zilpah (Leah's slave): Gad Asher Jacob/Israel came at last to Isaac, his father, at Mamre in Kiriath-arba (later called Hebron), where Abraham had also once lived. Isaac died soon afterwards at the ripe old age of 180*, and his sons Esau and Jacob buried him.
Notes:	1.) It is unclear as to why this has to be repeated again, as it is certainly clear that Jacob recognized the Man from Chapter 32 as God, as he names the place where they wrestle "Peniel" (meaning "The Face of God"). 2.) This is not a typo. The bible lists Isaac's actual age at death as 180 years old.
Thoughts:	Another chapter that seems to be a bit disorganized and messy. There's a lot of confusing interchangeable names (Bethel and Luz are the same town, as are Jacob and Israel the same person), a list thrown towards the end of the chapter (which lists the names of the sons that we should already know had we've been reading since Chapter 29 with the birth of Leah's first four sons), God giving Jacob his new name of Israel for the second time, and the mention of Rebekah's slave Deborah's death (to whom we were never introduced) for seemingly little reason. Rachel dies during childbirth bearing Jacob's/Israel's final son Benjamin (who also got a second name from his dying mom, "Ben-oni" - but apparently Jacob/Israel didn't care enough for it, renaming him "Benjamin") while Reuben (Jacob's/Israel's oldest son) gets it on with Rachel's slave-girl Bilhah. Isaac finally kicks the bucket at a nice round age of 180 and is buried by Jacob/Israel and his brother Esau.

GENESIS: Chapters 24 & 25

Chapter 24
Summary:	Abraham was now a very old man, yet blessed by God in every way. He asked his head servant to promise not to allow his son Isaac to marry a local Canaanite girl, instructing the servant to instead travel to Abraham's homeland to find a wife for Isaac there. The servant asked Abraham as to whether he should bring Isaac to live amongst his relatives if he should find that he cannot find a girl willing to travel the far distance to Canaan. To which Abraham emphatically warns against, stating that this land has been given to him by God for Isaac. He tells the servant that God will send an angel ahead of him that will see to it that that the servant will find a girl to be Isaac's wife. He tells the servant that if he does not succeed, then he is free from his promise, but under no circumstances is he to take Isaac there. The servant packed samples of the best of Abraham's wealth along with ten of Abraham's camels and journeyed to Iraq to Nahor's village. When he arrived he parked the camels next to a spring and asked God to give him a sign to help him pick out the right girl for Isaac. Knowing that the girls of the village would be fetching water from this spring, he sets out a criteria for God to fulfill for him: he states that whenever a girl approaches the spring to fetch some water, he will ask them if they could spare some water for himself; if God "guides" the girl to not only agree, but to offer some water to the camels, the servant will be affirmed that God has chosen this girl for Isaac. Sure enough a beautiful young girl named Rebekah (the daughter of Bethuel, son of Nahor and his wife Milcah) arrives with a water jug and upon the being asked, agrees to give some water to the servant, and offers to water the camels also. After the camels were finished drinking he gave her a golden earring and a pair of golden bracelets and inquired to whose daughter she was and whether her father could put him up for the night. When she told him who her father was, the servant pauses to thank God for leading him to his master's relatives. When the girl went home to tell her family, her brother Laban saw the golden jewelry and heard her story. He rushed out towards the spring and invited the servant back to their home. After they settled the servant and his camels in, and as they were about to serve dinner, the servant insisted on explaining his visit before the meal. He explains to them*. what Abraham had sent him to do, and about his prayer to God by the spring - including his "offering water to the camels" provision. He concludes that God had lead Rebekah, being family, to the servant and now asks if she will be permitted to travel back with him. Laban and Bethuel, convinced that God had brought Abraham's servant here, tell the servant to take Rebekah and allow her to marry Isaac. Rebekah's mother tries to stall the servant's departure by another ten days, but when the servant protests they both agree to ask Rebekah whether she is ready to leave. With Rebekah's okay, they sent her on her way (along with her childhood nurse) and her family blessed her with a prayer as they parted: Thou art our sister, be thou the mother of thousands of millions, and let thy seed possess the gate of those which hate them. Meanwhile, Isaac had returned to Beer-lahai-roi, and as he was out talking a walk he spotted the camels approaching. Rebekah dismounted and asked the servant who it was that was approaching to meet them. When she was told that it was Abraham's son, she covered her face with a veil. The servant then told the entire story to Isaac*. Isaac brought Rebekah into his mother's tent and she became his wife. He loved her, and she became a comfort to him after the loss of his mother.
Notes:	1.) The bible has the servant recount the entire exchange adnauseum. 2.) Thankfully, the bible does not repeat the story in full for a third time.
Thoughts:	This chapter begins by yet again reinforcing the stigma that geography and ethnicity determines a person's worth, virtues, morality, and class. Abraham immediately elevates every female citizen from his birth place to a higher status than every single Canaanite. Sadder still, is to know that in our modern society this kind of prejudice was common place only decades ago, and still to a smaller extent continues to exist. Catholic parents don't want their sons to marry a Jewish girl; protestant parents don't want their daughters to marry a catholic; white (or other race) parents don't want their children to marry someone of a different race; etc. People are unfairly judged as a whole instead of as individuals by their race, their hometown, their choice of religion (or their lack thereof), and are instead lumped into groups weighted with predefined judgments against them. Following this, we then travel along with Abraham's head servant and read the silliest description of a "sign from God" - that if a girl offers to give water to the servant's camels that she was somehow persuaded by God (or chosen by God) to do so? In the chapter it isn't clear whether God confirms that he'll even play along with this request that the servant prayed for which pretty much makes the criteria seem about as reliable as a fortune cookie or one of those Magic 8-ball novelty gifts. Anyways, the girl who guesses what's behind Door #2 turns out to be Abraham's niece, so it appears that should appease Abraham's scrutiny and keep things in the family.
Chapter 25
Summary:	Abraham married again, this time to a woman named Keturah who bore him the following children (and their descendants): Zimran Jokshan: Sheba Dedan: Asshurim Letushim Leummim Medan Midian: Ephah Epher Hanoch Abida Eldaah Ishbak Shuah Abraham deemed everything he owned to Isaac, however he gave gifts to the sons of his concubines and sent them away to the east away from Isaac. Abraham died at the age of 175* and his sons Isaac and Ishmael buried him in the cave of Mach-pelah near Mamre, in the field that Abraham had purchased from Ephron. After Abraham's death, God poured out rich blessings upon Isaac, who had now moved south to Beer-lahai-roi in the Negeb. Ishmael lived until the age of 137 and left behind 12 sons. The following is a list of Ishmael's twelve sons (who founded the twelve tribes that bore their names) by the orders of their births: Nebaioth Kedar Abdeel Mibsam Mishma Dumah Massa Hadad Tema Jetur Naphis Kedemah These descendants of Ishmael were scattered across the country from Havilah to Shur (which is northeast of the Egyptian border towards Assyria) and were constantly at war with one another. Isaac was forty years old when he married Rebekah, and after twenty years of remaining childless and pleading to God to grant them a child, she finally became pregnant with twins whom she could feel fighting within her womb. Troubled by this she consulted God about her pregnancy in which he replied that the sons in her womb would become fierce rivaling nations. He continued to explain that the older son would become a servant to the younger. The first born twin was born covered in thick red hair and was named Esau, while the younger twin was born clutching Esau's heel and was named Jacob (meaning "grabber"). As the twins grew, Esau became a skilled hunter while Jacob was more of a quiet type, who preferred to stay at home. Isaac's favorite was Esau, for the venison he brought home, while Rebekah favored Jacob. One day Esau returned from an exhausting day of hunting to find Jacob at home cooking a stew. Famished, Esau begged his brother to share his stew. Jacob agreed on the condition that Esau defaulted his birthright to him. In desperation from hunger, Esau saw little value in the birthright he had just surrendered to Jacob and accepted the meal that Jacob fed him.
Notes:	1.) This is not a typo. The bible lists Abraham's actual age at death as 175 years old.
Thoughts:	Another poorly laid out chapter that intermingles long lists of descendants (most of whom will not be mentioned much further) with narrative stories. What we walk away with is that Abraham finally dies at age 175(!) - and despite the brief mention of his wife (concubine) Keturah and her children - we're meant to focus on Isaac (and finish off Ishmael's part of the story). The focus of the story has now shifted away from Abraham's life and onto the lives of Isaac and his twin sons. From our meager introductions to Esau and Jacob bargaining over their birthrights versus a hearty stew, we can deduce that either Esau is probably not the sharpest tool in the shed, or that Jacob is simply one hell of a cook.

GENESIS: Chapters 16 & 17

Chapter 16
Summary:	Sarai and Abram were still having trouble conceiving a child*, so Sarai took her maid - an Egyptian girl named Hagar - and gave her to Abram as a second wife. Sarai explains that since God has not given her any children, Abram may sleep with Hagar and Sarai will take the resulting children as her own. Abrahm (not-surprisingly) agrees*. Abram sleeps with Hagar and when she realized she was pregnant, she became arrogant towards Sarai. 16:2 "And Sarai said unto Abram, Behold now, the LORD hath restrained me from bearing: I pray thee, go in unto my maid; it may be that I may obtain children by her. And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarai." Sarai complains to Abram that Hagar's arrogance is his fault* and curses Abram hoping that God will judge him for this. Abram tells Sarai that she can punish Hagar as she sees fit, so she gives Hagar a good beating, and as a result Hagar runs away. An angel of God finds her besides a desert spring along the road to Shur and demands that she return to Sarai and to act as she should. The angel tells her that the child she is carrying will be a son and that Hagar is to name him Ishmael (meaning "God hears", explaining that God hears her woes). The angel further explains that Ishmael will be rebellious and will be against everyone, just as everyone will be against him, yet he will live near the rest of his kin. Thereafter Hagar spoke directly to God and was astonished to have seen God and live to tell it. Later the well was named "The Well of the Living One Who Sees Me" (it lies between Kadesh and Bered). So Hagar gave Abram a son, and Abram named him Ishmael. Abram was 86 years old at the time.
Notes:	1.) Moreover, a male child - as girls are not considered true heirs. 2.) The bible notes that this takes place 10 years after Abram first arrived in Canaan. 3.) Despite the fact that this was Sarai's idea in the first place.
Thoughts:	It's difficult not to look at this chapter as disturbing for a number of reasons: we have Abram having sex with his wife's maid (probably a slave), we have Abram's wife beating the tar out of a pregnant woman - carrying her husband's child, and we have an angel condemning Hagar for running off even though she just got beaten by her mistress (regardless of whether her arrogance justified punishment, it's hard to justify beating a pregnant woman). It's also a bit unclear as to why God tells Hagar directly to name the child Ishmael, yet it states that Abram give the child that name. Do we assume God told Abram also to name the child Ishmael, or did Abram take Hagar's word that she spoke to God and that's the name God chose?
Chapter 17
Summary:	When Abram was 99 years old, God appeared to him and told him to obey him and live as he should, and also that he had prepared a contract between them guaranteeing to make Abram's descendants into a mighty nation - and not just one nation, but a multitude of nations. Abram fell face downward to the ground as God talked with him. He continues on to tell Abram that he is also changing his name from Abram (meaning 'Exalted Father') to Abraham (meaning 'Father of Nations'). He continues to tell Abram/Abraham that he will continue this agreement forever amongst Abram's/Abraham's descendants. 17:11 "And ye shall circumcise the flesh of your foreskin; and it shall be a token of the covenant betwixt me and you." Abram's/Abraham's part of the contract is to obey God's will, and have every male amongst him circumcised on the eighth day after being born, and that this will be proof that Abram/Abraham and his people accept the covenant. God clarifies that this also applies to every foreign born slave as well as anyone born in Abram's/Abraham's household, and that anyone who refuses will be cut off from his people. God also renames Sarai to Sarah (meaning 'Princess') and proclaims that he will bless her to provide Abram/Abraham with many children*. Abraham throws himself down in worship, but was having doubts in his thoughts thinking about how ludicrous it sounded for him to become a father at age 100* and for Sarai/Sarah to give birth at 90, so he instead says to God, "Yes, do bless Ishmael!" God corrects Abraham and clarifies that Sarah will provide him with a son, and that son is to be named Isaac (meaning 'Laughter'), but decides that he will bless Ishmael also - adding that Ishmael will become a great nation and that 12 princes will be among his posterity - before stressing that God's contract is with Isaac and not Ishmael. Abraham then went home and proceeded to circumcise every male in his household - including himself and every male slave.
Notes:	1.) Which didn't seem so ridiculous when his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather Shem had a child at the age of 100(?) 2.) Although chapter 11 states that Sarai was barren and therefore did not provide Abram any children, we can still consider that chapter correct when taking into account that God changed both Sarai and Abram's names at this point to Sarah and Abraham respectively. In that sense, Sarai and Abram didn't have any children, whereas Sarah and Abraham did.
Thoughts:	It's unclear what circumcision has to do with upholding a contract with God, and why he wants men to be circumcised in the first place. It's pretty nonsensical and seems very awkward that God is concerned with the way his people's penises look. What is to stop other tribes from circumcising their male population as well? Wouldn't the covenant be meaningless at that point? Would God strike men dead outside of Abraham's tribe for circumcising themselves? Also strange is Abraham's amusement at becoming a father at the age of 100, when the average age of the people of his time is still mentioned to be roughly around 200(!) if which taken into context with the average modern human living to be about 85, doesn't seem so strange for a man of 43 to have a child.

GENESIS: Chapter 11

Chapter 11
Summary:	Apparently all mankind spoke a single language at this point, until a group of people started colonizing eastward into the land of Babylon. The people who lived there began talking about building a great city with a huge tower reaching to the heavens. Apparently, God is none too happy to see the people all working together with political and linguistic unity, thinking that if they accomplish this unity that they'd become too smart for their own good*. God decides to put a stop to this by giving the people a bunch of different languages to prevent them from working together in unity - as they wouldn't be able to communicate with each other. 11:1 "And the whole earth was of one language, and of one speech." Basically, God scattered them all over the earth with different languages, and it is noted that the city of Babel got it's name, meaning "confusion". The rest of the chapter rattles of some names and ages of Shem's descendants: Shem: His son Arpachshad was born two years after the flood when Shem was age 100! Died at age 600*. Arpachshad: Born two years after the flood. Was 35 years old when his son Shelah was born. Died at the age of 458*. Shelah: Was 35 years old when his son Eber was born. Like his father, died at the age of 458*. Eber: Was 34 years old when his son Peleg was born. Died at the age of 464*. Peleg: Was 30 years old when his son Reu was born Died at the age of 239*. Reu: Was 32 years old when his son Serug was born Like his father, died at the age of 239*. Serug: Was 30 years old when his son Nahor was born. Died at the age of 230*. Nahor: Was 29 years old when his son Terah was born. Died at the age of 148*. Terah: By the time Terah was 70, he had three sons: Abram, Nahor*, and Haran. Haran: Had two sons: Lot and Iscah. Had a daughter named Milcah. Died young (age unspecified) and was outlived by his father Abram: Married his half-sister Sarai. Sarai was barren and gave Abram no children*. Nahor: Married his niece Milcah (Haran's daughter) after Haran's death. Later took his son Abram, grandson Lot, and daughter-in-law Sarai and left Ur of the Chaldeans to go to the land of Canaan. However, they stopped instead at the city of Haran* and settled there. Died at the age of 205*.
Notes:	1.) Seems to serve as a justification for stopping the spread of knowledge, or in other words, God seems to think people were becoming too smart for their own good. 2.) These are not typos. These are the actual ages listed in the bible. 3.) Not to be confused with Terah's father also named Nabor. 4.) Not to be confused with Terah's son Haran. Haran as mentioned here is the name of a city. 5.) Technically true, yet see chapter 17.
Thoughts:	The beginning of this chapter is in fact very interesting, disguising itself as an explanation for the reason behind the multitude of languages mankind speaks. The really telling part however is God's motives which seem to be saying that people really shouldn't think too hard or deeply, and that many minds working together develop knowledge and wisdom which apparently God doesn't care much for either. In this context it's more clear to why such events as the Dark Ages occurred where religion felt that man "knew too much" and put a halt to it. The biggest problems I personally have with religious beliefs is that they often put a halt to critical thinking. I find this dangerous and more over the real causes of war, killing, and censorship in the name of religious dogma. Taken alone, the Tower of Babel story seems to serve as a silly and harmless fable for why humans have so many languages, but upon closer inspection is really more about God acting out as the "Thought Police". The rest of the chapter is similar in respects to chapter 5 in that it's simply listing various people and their ages. However, an interesting thing occurs amongst a few of these advanced ages, being that a few of the descendants of Shem share similar attributes of their fathers: Arpachshad and Shelah both had sons at the age of 35 and both died at the age of 458, and Peleg and Rue also died at the same age of 239. Also of note is that the life spans of the people are dropping rather quickly towards more reasonable (but higher than any recorded human ages) levels. Shem outlives his son Arpachshad by a "mere" 42 years; while Eber outlives his son Peleg (who dies at age 239) by 191 years; and Serug outlives his son Nahor by a "mere" 52 years.

GENESIS: Chapters 8 & 9

Chapter 8
Summary:	After 150 days of flooding God sends a wind to blow across the waters and floods began to disappear. The boat comes to rest upon the mountains of Ararat, and as three more months went by other mountain tops emerged from beneath the waters. After another forty days Noah sent out a raven that basically flew around eating the carcasses of the dead animals floating on the water. He also sent out a dove to see if it could find dry ground, but the dove unable to find a place to perch returned to the boat. A week later he released the dove again and this time the dove returned with an olive leaf in its beak. After yet another week he released the dove and it didn't return. 8:21 "And the LORD smelled a sweet savour; and the LORD said in his heart, I will not again curse the ground any more for man's sake; for the imagination of man's heart is evil from his youth ; neither will I again smite any more every thing living, as I have done." Another month later Noah opened the door to the boat's top deck to have a look around and saw that the water was gone, yet he holed back up for another two months until God told him he could leave the boat*. He and his family got off the boat and released all the animals - except for a select lucky few that he picked out for ritualistic animal sacrifices. Noah builds an altar and sacrifices the birds and animals he picked out for the occasion, and this pleases God. God now claims that he will never again commit mass genocide.
Notes:	1.) For those keeping score, Noah, his family, and the animals were aboard the Ark for about 9 1/2 months.
Thoughts:	It's hard to really expand upon what I've already commented upon in the previous chapter about the absurdity of the whole Noah's Ark story, but one thing I did forget to mention was factoring in the effect of the flood on plant life, how long it would take to repopulate the earth with the plants that many of these herbivores need to survive on after they're set free from the ark. The mathematics can be staggering if we try to determine the overall weights of the boat, the animals, and the feed that would be needed to sustain them all for nine months as to whether such weight could possibly even float. Also worth questioning would be how all of these animals were kept, whether in pens or in cages, separated individually or by kinds, or perhaps some were free roaming like the insects and such. A more thorough look at these sorts of problems can be found at the Skeptic's Dictionary webpage devoted to Noah's Ark at: http://skepdic.com/noahsark.html.
Chapter 9
Summary:	God blessed Noah and his sons* and told them to repopulate the earth again. He tells Noah that all wild animals, birds, and fish will now be afraid of man* and further expands upon this by reaffirming man's dominion over the animals by telling Noah that they are all there to be used as food - with the stipulation that the animal's blood must be drained first. However, he also tells Noah that any animal or man that kills a man must itself be killed* affirming that murder is to be punished by death. God promises Noah, his sons, and even the animals that Noah rescued that he will never again commit mass genocide by way of a massive flood. He goes on to say that he is sealing this promise with the rainbow* he put in the clouds, and when God sees the rainbow in the future he will remember his promise to not kill everybody again with a massive global flood. It is then stated that the descendants of Noah's three sons Shem, Ham, and Japheth went on to form all the nations of the earth. 9:21 "And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent." Noah went on in life to become a farmer and planted a vineyard. One night after Noah got pretty drunk and crazy, he stripped down naked and went to sleep it off inside his tent. His son Ham found him in the tent and was aghast to see his dad passed out naked* and went out to tell his brothers. Shem and Japheth grabbed a robe and walked into their dad's tent backwards so that they could cover their father up without having to look at his nakedness. When Noah eventually woke up, and learned what had happened and that Ham was responsible for snitching on him to his brothers, he curses the descendants of Ham's son Canaan (the Canaanites). He curses the Canaanites to become the lowliest form of slaves, and blesses both Shem and Japtheth asking God to ensure that Canaan serves as a slave to them both. Noah lives on for another 350 years after the flood dying at the ripe old age of 950.
Notes:	1.) Yet another example of sexism with the omission of Noah and his son's wives in the blessing. 2.) One would think the animals would be a bit more fearful of God after that whole flood business. 3.) Spoken from a deity that just finished committing mass genocide. 4.) A rainbow is not a physical object, but an optical effect. 5.) Nudity is once again treated as shameful.
Thoughts:	In my opinion, one of the biggest problems with the bible is that it promotes exclusionary outlooks (i.e. women are inferior to men, this group of people are "God's people", this group of people - men, women, and children - needs to be destroyed) and the same is applied towards the outlook on animals as well. Animals are basically pawns, not well respected, and God loves to have them sacrificed to him without regard to their suffering. Once again, God encourages Noah and his family the green light to kill animals how they see fit and not just purely out of need or necessity. I realize that this is a personal gripe in regards to animals which some may night agree with me on, but I do think it bears mentioning as it's interesting to draw parallels to what God's views are on people he views inferior to his chosen ones. God seems to harbor either a jealousy over his exclusive right to murder senselessly or simply doesn't realize that he sets a bad example towards the people he wants to follow him, his tendency to dish out excessive punishment seems to rub off on Noah, who after a bit of excessive drinking punishes his son Ham for what appears to be simply catching a glimpse of his father naked. Actually, I'm not quite sure that I understand what specifically Noah is condemning Ham for (my guess is that it's a no-no to see your father naked) but reacting by basically selling Ham's son Canaan into slavery seems a bit excessive (not to mention ridiculous to make Canaan pay for his father's mistake). Finally, like his ancestors before him, Noah's death (and his adventure on the Ark at age 600) conveniently ends on a nice and even number with his final age of 950.

GENESIS: Chapters 4 & 5

Chapter 4
Summary:	Adam and his wife Eve conceive their first child together, a child they name Cain (meaning "I have created") - Eve throws in a side note that "with God's help" she has created a man. She later has a second son and names him Abel. Abel becomes a shepherd while Cain becomes a farmer. At harvest time both sons make offerings to God: Cain offers a gift of his best crops and Abel offers up some fatty cuts of lamb. God shows his favoritism (and that he's not much for vegetarianism) by accepting Abel's lamb chops and rejecting Cain's crops. Cain feels dejected and pissed off by God's favoritism. God asks Cain why he's so angry and tells him that he could be happy if he just "does what he should". He warns Cain that if he doesn't obey God, sin is waiting for him. So, one day Cain lures his brother out to the fields and kills him. 4:8 "And Cain talked with Abel his brother: and it came to pass, when they were in the field, that Cain rose up against Abel his brother, and slew him." God immediately asks Cain* where is Abel, to which Cain replies to the effect of "How should I know? I'm not my brother's keeper." God says that Abel's blood called to him from the ground, and hereby banishes Cain from the fields and curses the ground so that Cain will no longer be able to produce any crops. He tells Cain that he will now be a nomadic fugitive*. Cain complains that he's scared of the ramifications from the punishment, that he'll be hunted down and killed. God replies that if anybody kills Cain their punishment will be seven times worse(?) and puts a mark on Cain* leaving Cain to settle outside of God's presence* in the land of Nod (somewhere east of Eden). The story now jumps ahead to Cain having a wife and fathering his first child Enoch - to whom Cain founded a city after. The chapter jumps ahead farther now and lists a slew of Cain's descendants: Enoch (Cain's son) has a son named Irad (Cain's grandson) Irad has a son named Mehujael (Cain's great-grandson) Mehujael has a son named Methusael (Cain's great-great-grandson) Methusael has a son named Lamech (Cain's great-great-great-grandson) Lamech becomes the focus of the next paragraph, and we learn that: He had two wives - Adah and Zillah. Adah gave birth to Jabal (who becomes the first cattleman, and the first to apparently live in a tent) and Jubal (the first musician, who invented the harp and the flute*) Zillah gave birth to Tubal-cain (who becomes the first bronze and iron worker*) One day Lamech kills some kid who attacked him and claims to his wives that if anyone attacking Cain will be punished seven times, then anyone seeking revenge against him (for killing the kid) should be punished 77 times(?). The chapter closes off with mentioning that Eve had a third son named Seth (meaning "granted", as apparently she felt God granted her another son in place of Abel). When Seth grew up he had a son whom he named Enosh. It was during his lifetime that men first began calling themselves "God's people".
Notes:	1.) If God is omnipresent and omniscient, why is he asking where Abel is? 2.) From whom? At this point the only humans in existence are Adam, Eve, and Cain. 3.) Not specified what Cain's mark actually is. 4.) This is contradictory towards the notion that God is omnipresent. 5.) Being a musician myself, it is pretty well accepted that the first musical instruments were most likely drums and percussion based. Harps and flutes are complex instruments that have evolved from much simpler concepts. This is akin to claiming that the first mode of transportation was the bicycle (as opposed to horse riding). 6.) Perhaps Tubal-cain was inspired by that flaming sword guarding the Garden of Eden? 7.) How does Lamech come up with this figure of 77, and why does he think he's entitled to it? If he is indeed entitled to have anyone who seeks revenge against him doled out for a punishment that is 77 times worse than it should normally be is it because he's a direct descendant of Cain, or does this apply to all murderers? If the latter, what does this say about capital punishment?
Thoughts:	It is perhaps around this chapter that I would assume that most people stop attempting to read the bible from cover to cover. The narrative makes wide jumps in time, lists a lot of names that are virtually irrelevant to the story, and introduces characters only to leave a lot of loose ends. The most bothersome aspect of this chapter is how male-centric it is. Eve is mentioned almost solely as a "baby-making machine" and none of her daughters are named - as we have to assume that she had at least two, to provide both Cain and Seth with wives. The only other two women we hear about are Adah and Zillah, whom much like their great-great-great-great grandmother are relegated pretty much to the status of "baby-making machines" as well (although they do get to hear their husband Lamech's tale of killing a kid who attacked him). Furthermore the polygamy of Lamech is not addressed either, which seems odd in contrast to chapter 2 which puts emphasis on (I'm assuming, monogamous) marriage making a man feel "complete again" with a woman by his side. Furthermore we have to assume that these first generations of people (possibly within approximately 100 years, but which we'll get more into in the next chapter) were able to develop inventions such as bronze and iron working as well as complex musical instruments such as the flute and harp. Also of note we also get our first glimpse of animal sacrifices (that God will later demand much more of) from the story of Cain and Abel.
Chapter 5
Summary:	This chapter is more of a genealogical listing of Adam's descendants, and their radically astronomically old ages. We learn that: Adam: was 130(!) years old when his son Seth was born. Died at age 930*. Seth: was 105* years old when his son Enosh was born. Died at the age of 912*. Enosh: was 90* years old when his son Kenan was born. Died at the age of 905*. Kenan: was 70* years old when his son Mahalalel was born. Died at the age of 910*. Mahalalel: was 65* years old when his son Jared was born. Died at the age of 895*. Jared: was 162* years old when his son Enoch* was born. Died at the age of 962*. Enoch*: was 65* years old when his son Methuselah was born. Kept in constant contact with God. Disappeared at the age of 365* because God took him. Methuselah: was 187* years old when his son Lamech* was born. Died at the age of 969* 5:27 "And all the days of Methuselah were nine hundred sixty and nine years: and he died." . Lamech*: was 182* years old when his son Noah was born Lamech named Noah (meaning "relief") because he believed that Noah would bring the people relief from the hard work of farming of the ground which God cursed. Died at the age of 777*. Noah: Was 500* years old and had three sons: Shem, Ham, and Japheth
Notes:	1.) These are not typos. These are the actual ages listed in the bible. 2.) Not to be confused with Cain's son Enoch from chapter 4. 3.) Not to be confused with Cain's great-great-great-grandson Lamech, the son of Methusael from chapter 4.
Thoughts:	I really don't know where to begin with this chapter. I think any rationally sane person who has made it this far into the bible should begin to start having doubts towards the bible's historical accuracy at this point. The idea that human beings had at one time lived to ripe ages of up to 969 years old is silly and unfounded, and outside of the bible (and other mythological texts) has never been documented. It becomes even harder to swallow when we notice that these men both seem to procreate and finally die all on either rounded ages (ending in a zero) or ending in the numbers 2, 5, and 7 (excepting Methuselah who dies at 969, but is still obviously a patterned number). Personally, I don't think these numbers are coincidental and most, if not all, probably have significant meanings in numerology (such as Methuselah's death at 969, Enoch's disappearance at age 365 - coincidentally the number of days in a year, and Lamech's curious age at death of 777). In the days of the bible's authorship numerology and astrology dominated people's beliefs, prophecies, and superstitions, and I think it's very clear to see that these numbers are not natural ages of death, but carefully selected numbers of mystical importance to the people of the time - which would ease the transition of adapting people's beliefs from pagan religions rooted in numerology and astrology into Judaism (and later Christianity and Islam). Again, there is absolutely no credible evidence archaeological or otherwise documented (outside of religious and mythological texts) that correlate to any human being ever having lived much longer than 100 years of age. While some may argue that lack of evidence doesn't prove that people didn't at one time perhaps live several centuries long lives, the burden of proof lays upon the ones making an outlandish claim such as this, and it is foolish to accept this possibility as plausible without additional evidence. Particularly amusing to me however, is that Enoch just "vanishes into thin air" after 365 years.